So this post is going to be about myself and how I have changed through a year. So I was reading and I found this post called “Death and what not” and it talks about how there are good and bad things about death and how I am scared of dying and just stuff like that… It was written on September 9, 2009, before my dad died. I just can’t believe that I wrote this stuff. I know that there are good and bad things about dying, but I can’t believe that I was afraid to die. I am not afraid to die. I would rather die than live sometimes. I think what bothers me about dying is not the dying part, but having the person gone physically and grieving.
Here is the post that I was talking about:
Death and What Not
Well I was on Facebook and I saw a stupid little quiz about how and when I will die and It just got me thinking about how wonderful and terrible death is. I want to point out some things about death and how it can be good and bad. I think that death is very scary. I have been trying to get my mind off of it, but ever since my Grandpa died, I always will think about it. It is very terrifying to me. So I have tried to think of some good things about death; One of the good things about death is that you don’t have to worry about anything ever again. Everything will go well when you die. You won’t have to yell at stupid people on the road, or worry about your dog getting out. You don’t have to worry about wars. You don’t have to even worry about dying because you have already died. But another good thing about death is that you get to be with your family that has already passed on. I think this is a wonderful thing.
There are a lot of bad things about death. Like not being able to taste your favorite food or listen to your favorite song. You won’t be with the people that you left until they die. I think that my family that have died miss us very much. I think there is just as much sorrow on the other side as there is on Earth. I do know that I will be able to live with my family forever because my mother and father were sealed in the temple for time and all eternity. I think that is a very stress relieving saying. I know that I will be able to see my grandparents and my cat and my fishes and even my aunt that I never even met! I am so happy for this, and that is just another reason on why death is good.
I sometimes never want to die. I don’t think I will ever fully get over my fear, but each day I am trying.
I like all the things we don’t have to worry about after we die. It is really true, we only really worry about our family members and their welfare. But when we die, we won’t have to worry about paying the bills, waking up on time, cleaning the floors, dying your hair, doing your makeup, ETC. The list is endless. And don’t get me started on the laundry and dishes… So excited to have that chore go away.
I don’t like how I said I didn’t want to die. Wow, was I naive or what? I guess that is what I mean about people changing. Events change people. My dad died, and I’m not scared to go.
But you know what? The good things about death, out weigh the bad. It is the grieving that sucks. Ugh. And don’t even get me started about the last part of that post. I want to die everyday. Or get hurt super badly so I can have a near-death experience. I am really trying to like my life. I like to breathe. That is good. But I don’t like waking up in the morning and realizing that I have to go on another day with out my dad. I am a daddy’s girl. Well, I am sorry to depress you with that post. I had to get it out there.
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